O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
