I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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