I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
