1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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