This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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