Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
