yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so explain again why im purple
no
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
