Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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