You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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