Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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