on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
