New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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