I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
