I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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