Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
