I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
