i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
