Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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