Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
