Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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