Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
