Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
