My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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