if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
