I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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