I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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