As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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