Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
