This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
