i wish my penis had a tongue
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
