yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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