i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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