She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
