I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
