i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
