bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
