I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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