Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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