Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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