hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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