morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
