We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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