47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
