Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
