Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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