Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
