I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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