I hate all girls vehemently.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
