yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
