they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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