when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
