Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
