thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
